I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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