you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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