nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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