Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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