She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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