I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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