The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
