I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
