using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
