Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
