whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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