awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
