i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
