i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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