I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
