I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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