Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
