she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
