he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
