I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
