Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
