how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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