just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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