I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
