i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
