a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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