Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't trust your balls anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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