Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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