someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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