Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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