I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
