I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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