Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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