First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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