when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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