I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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