I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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