No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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