the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
