My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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