Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
