dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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