I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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