would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
