I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I just sharted jello shots
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
