You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
