who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
