Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
