no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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