just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need water and some morals
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
