last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
