i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
