we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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