Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
